Thursday, June 26, 2008


I don’t like to smoke, well- I do a little. I will light up a cigarette on occasions, especially when I’m stressed beyond my own comprehension. I was a heavy smoker and what I call heavy smoking was a puff or two, maybe three, then dispose of the cigarette.

I started smoking at an early age; I was 11 going on twelve when it all began. I loved the way I felt, it was great, and of course I felt so grown. I was a woman (a woman scared to kiss a boy because I thought I would get pregnant. hee hee).

That was until my best friend, my other friend and I got caught...OMG…were we in trouble!!!

My mom was so disappointed in me; I felt horrible, (“it could also have been the beating my mom gave me.”) Anyway I was grounded for the whole summer. My best friend was sent to a nun camp and the other wench was outside the next day, waving hi. Can you believe it, waving hi, smiling like nothing ever happened? Yeah, like I really want to be her friend now…trader of the worst kind!!!!

So you think that I would have learned my lesson on that summer of 83, but no, I didn’t. What I did learn was that girls with extremely big foreheads were NOT trustworthy…

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


Ashley sat by the window looking at the scenery, it was cold out and it looked as if it was going to snow. She had to see Nick, she needed to explain to him her reasons for leaving and that she still loved him. Nick did not want to see her and she could not blame him. “I need to find a way to see him,” she thought.

Carrie was on the phone when Nick grabbed her from behind. She stopped him before things got out of hands; he sat down, pouting like a child and Carrie smiled at him and continued her conversation. Nick stared at her from behind. He liked what he saw and desire rushed through his body -he wiped his forehead and sighed.

Nick arrives back at his office to see the light on his answering machine on; he ignores the light on the answering machine and deletes all of the messages. He is happy and he does not want anything or anyone to damper his mood. “Nick,” a voice said from behind him. He stood there; he could not, nor wanted to, turn around. He recognized the voice. “Ashley,” he said. He turned, not wanting to see her, his heart was pounding, wanting to escape his chest. “What are you doing here, Ashley, you should have known not to come!” He finally saw her, nothing about her has changed and he felt the hole in his heart and the pain that he tried so hard to get away from resurfaced as if it was yesterday. “Nick, I’m sorry if I am here unannounced but you wouldn’t see me. I’m in town for a while and I needed to see you.” “Ashley, please go!”

Ashley walked out, she felt the tears burning her eyes - she expected his reaction. The look in his eyes, the pain, she never meant to hurt him. Ashley thought about the day she left, she had to leave if she had stayed. She knew that she would have married him and put her dreams on hold. In the end, the love she felt would have turned into resentment, but now she is ready for the life he wanted for them, but will he ever forgive her?

Carrie was drinking a glass of wine when Nick arrived, his face pale and by the way he looked, she knew something was wrong. “We need to talk, something happened today and I think you should know about it.” Carrie sat down, a look of concern on her face, “Nick, is everything alright with you?” Carrie was concerned; she has never seen Nick this way before. Nick told her everything that happened that afternoon. Carrie felt a sigh of relief. He is physically well and nothing was wrong at work. Nevertheless, she had bigger things to worry about now. Carrie was wondering what this meant, is her relationship in trouble now?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


Do you see me, I mean, do you really see who I am?
I am not your average girl, I come with style.

I am my own my leader,

but NEVER a follower,

do I go to you for shelter,


I am the wings spread above your heads,

I am your sanctuary.

Believe in me when I tell you

there is no other like me,

I shall stand tall harboring your every move.

I am the sun in your east,

The moon in your sky,

the north star that doesn’t fade and

the beating in your heart.

Do you see me, I mean, do you really see who I am?

I am the air that you breathe,

the one YOU worship.

But you see…I’m not your average girl, I come with style.

Thursday, June 19, 2008


Haunted by the ghost of your love; as it anxiously waits in the dark of my solitude, keep me sane and aware for this eerie feeling won’t fade away.
Transcending in time, frozen by desire, yet disturbed with what no longer subsist.Holding on to a mere glimpse of hope wanting things to be, and I cant phantom the thought of the impossible. Chase me if that is your will; as for mine, it has taken its course, and as I journey through this ghostly fog the memory of yesterday becomes extinct.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008



"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever."

Noah (to Allie): "I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day."

"She had come back into his life like a sudden flame, blazing and streaming into his heart. Noah stayed up all night contemplating the certain agony he knew would be his if he were to lose her twice."



I look out the window and the rain is pouring down, like money is pouring out of our pockets. I went to put gas in my car and I went blank- for a minute there I thought I was making a purchase of a pair of Manolo Blahnik. Then the smell brought me back to reality.

How can a country such as ours be doing so badly, "WE" the people, united, are far from being united?

What on earth can we do to improve our economy; advise us on what methods we should be taking, Corn oil, Canola oil come on… HELP!!! You’re killing us here.

I‘m going to vote, but I don’t know who I will choose, I am a democrat but after our last session hmm I’m not so sure, and if I go towards the republican party, look at where we are now.

Should I try something new, will that improve our situation?

God only knows.

Well in the mean time I need to keep saving for the Manolos I so dearly want, only if the gas prices let me.


A week passed and Carrie was busy with all of the arrangements for Nick’s party. They had spoken maybe once or twice since they last saw each other but it was business. Carrie was confused and upset, but she was not about to ask him anything about that night. Nick was in his office when his secretary told him there was someone to see him. When he asked who it was, he made up some excuse - he did not want to see his visitor, “Ashley”. He stood in his office frozen, not able to move. The memories of their last night together came back to mind as if it was yesterday - he had asked Ashley to marry him - the next day she was gone.

He had to leave; he needed to clear his head. At that moment, Carrie too went for a walk. Nick was walking - his thoughts were about Ashley. He didn’t know what to do, he was angry and had many questions to ask her but was he ready to face her, ready to face a past he’s been trying to forget? He walked for hours, not realizing how late it was when he notices Carrie walking towards him. Carrie’s face went blank; the last person she wanted to run into was Nick. He was walking right towards her and her heart was beating fast, but she kept walking. Before she knew it, he was standing in front of her. “Hello Carrie.” Carrie looked at him and said “hello”. “Can we talk?” Nick asked her “Nick, if you want to talk about the ball, you can come by the office tomorrow morning, I have some things to take care of and it’s getting late.” Carrie replied. Carrie felt awkward; she was wondering what he wanted to talk about after what had happened between them. “Please Carrie; it will only take a minute.” Nick looked at Carrie, his eyes were damped. “Carrie, I want to apologize for the other night, I don’t know why I left the way I did, well actually I do know why I left. I was scared. Carrie, I have so many feelings running through my body, I do not know what to do. I think I am falling in love with you; it may sound crazy and maybe I am crazy for feeling this way; we’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks and with all that happened in my last relationship, I am freaked out! I have been driving myself crazy, not knowing what to do about us, about the feelings that I feel. I know that I love you, but am I ready? Can I trust you not to hurt me the way that Ashley did.” Carrie was there listening and crying because what he didn’t realize was that he had hurt her, that he did the same thing that Ashley had done. Nevertheless, she did not say a word - she just looked at his face full of agony and held him because she too had fallen in love with him. They sat in the park for awhile; they held hands and just sat there. The wind was cold but it did not matter because they had each other’s warmth to keep them warm and from that moment on, they knew that their life would never be the same.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Undress me slowly,
caress me gently,
entice me roughly, and
love me unconditionally.

Monday, June 16, 2008


Friends come and go, like the seasons change before our eyes, taking a course of their own. You have always remained the same; loyal and a true friend.

This is to you, my one and only... sisters, till the end…

I have wondered about my surroundings, the people who have touched my heart and those who have managed to influence my life in any kind of way shape or form. I think about those who have helped me in my time of need and those who have been there through the good and bad times and never asked for anything in return.

The only person who came to mind was you…

I can honestly say that I have never had a friend like you; someone sincere with a loving heart, someone who will tell you the truth regardless of the pain it may cause you, but in the long run help you. A person you can honestly look in the eye and say; This girl right here is my Best Friend I would give my heart and soul to her if she needed them”.

You know all there is to know about me, just like I know all there is to know about you. A novel written well,
you are my diary, the white pages that I write to, and the person I turn to when my day is clouded up with disaster or brighter than the sun above.

You are who I turned to when I have no hope left, when I feel that I can no longer go on, and the strength that holds me up and gives hope for a better tomorrow.

I love you so much it hurts to think that maybe one day you won’t be there; I don’t know what I’ll do without you. A friendship like ours is so hard to find, a bond so tight that nothing has ever come between our friendships and yes we fight like cats and dogs and and YES we disagree more than what we agree . But I love you. ALWAYS and forever...

Two old ladies sitting by a tree


Nursing homes are sweet, sweet, sweet


How sweet; sweet are the words leaving your lips

Flowing smoothly in the air finding their way to me

Gently touching the eardrum and beating it till the last beat.

How beautiful; beautiful is the way you look into my eyes

Melting my heart with words unspoken

Soothing my soul and beating it till the last beat.

How sincere; sincere are the feeling rushing through my veins

Traveling inside of me, stopping and touching every part of my body

Paralyzing my heart and beating it till the last beat.

Friday, June 13, 2008


I reached for you and stumbled, your shadow mocks me, and the maze is getting longer.
Lost, unaware of the presence ahead, I fall and cry heartbreaking tears. Loneliness deprives me from seeing what is in front of me - the light.
Here I am, dragging myself through this vineyard of dead roses and the thorns, cutting right through me.

I was left with words unspoken. What was once a happy ending now bitter memory? As I removed the splinters that are now in my skin, I look back, the mockery a mere recollection of the forgotten. I see the light, I made it through the maze and to my surprise, and I am whole!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


Nick was looking at the crumbled piece of paper he had left on top of his desk, “What are you doing here? Why now and what do you want?he thought. He kept pacing back and forward, not knowing what to do. He looked at the piece of paper again then threw it out. Nick was lost in thoughts. “She left me without a single explanation; she just packed up her things and left.” Nick went back to work but all he thought about was Ashley.

It was dark out when Nick looked out the window. He was tired, had the worst headache imaginable, and hungry. Nick picked up the phone and to his surprise, Carrie was on the other end. “Hello, Nick, it’s Carrie. “Carrie, I was just about to give you a call but from the looks of things, you beat me to it.” “You were?” Carrie asked. “Carrie, I was wondering if I could stop by and see you, if it is not too late, that is.” “No, of course not, come on by.” Carrie heard herself say.

Trying to look your best in less than twenty minutes suddenly became impossible. She picked up a pair of jeans, a white shirt and put on her sneakers. She did not want to be overdressed and did not want to look like she was going to sleep either. Carrie heard the doorbell - she stops in the hallway, looks at the image in the mirror, then proceeded towards the door.

“Hello Carrie,” Nick walked in and gave Carrie a gentle kiss on the cheek. “Hello Nick, how are you?” Carrie smiled “Would you like anything to drink?” she offered. “I brought us a bottle of champagne; I hope you do not mind.” “No, not at all, thank you, that was thoughtful of you. Let me get the glasses.” Carrie said as she walked towards the kitchen. From there she talked to Nick. “Nick, since the Ball is going to be a black and white affair, I thought that maybe you would like White Calla Lilies or Red Roses for the centerpieces, tall ones in a crystal vase. Now for the food; we can start with stuffed mushroom, shrimp, salmon, or whatever you would like us to serve and I thought that maybe.” Nick walked over to Carrie and placed his finger on her lips, “Do you mind if we talked about something else for a moment?” “I thought you wanted to discuss the plans for the party?” Carrie was nervous; she felt a lump in her throat and had to swallow. “It’s been a very long day and I just want to relax, let’s talk about us for a while.” Once again, they engaged in a conversation not about the reason for his visit but about them. This time Carrie learned about Ashley and she felt a bit of jealousy; she could not explain why, but she did. “I’m so sorry to hear that, I don’t think that I could have survived something like that.Without realizing it, she placed her hand on top of his. He looked in her eyes - they sparkled like two stars in the night. He smiled at her and kissed her hand. He could not explain what was happening but he felt so at ease around Carrie, he felt whole. “Carrie, you are an amazing woman, I haven’t felt this way in a long time. When I’m with you, nothing seems to matter, I feel complete and alive.” Without another thought, he kisses her, with a desire so deep and beyond his control. He was hungry for her; he kissed her gently. Carrie laid there wanting him, willing to be his and not fighting what she too was feeling. Carrie,’ Nick said as she looked at him, “I’m sorry, I can’t, and I have to go.” She stood there wondering what just happened.

On his way home, all Nick thought about was Carrie, she was special. It was an attraction that pulled at him and he knew that he could fall in love with her and that frightened him

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


Growing up, all I ever wished for were sisters; I lived in a house full of men, and they drove me crazy…yes, I was Mom’s little girl but my heart ached for the company of a sister.
I would talk myself crazy, but never had an imaginary friend, I had my best friend but it wasn’t the same.
I knew that I had a family, apart from my mom’s, somewhere out there that I had never met, and my curiosity burned like crazy, and not knowing made me sad.
Every night I lay to sleep and how I wished upon that star up above. I’ll slowly speak to the heavens in the sky; to seek my other half’s tonight.

One day my prayers were answered, and one of my sisters I did meet, and I, only a child, felt at ease.
My experience was all but glamorous, sadness once again overtook my body for the hurt was horrendous, not because I would leave him behind, but the sister and the family that I had so longed for, and the others I have yet to meet.
I met my Aunts Edith and Olga, my Uncles Joe and Harry and their kids. I also met my cousin, Betsy who was on vacation and going back home. Do I remember them now? Not really - glimpse of things, but I was happy around them…only one stuck out like a sore thumb. Why, I have no clue, but he has been a part of my memory and heart since we first met - “Rene.”

Once again, I was back in my world and my brothers whom I love so dearly, and how I missed them.

Now, almost 24 yrs later and our paths have crossed once again; I feel so overwhelmed, feelings rushing through my body, so much at one time. I want to hide. That I do very well, push people away and put walls up are my specialties, but I have been waiting for this day for so long and now that is here, I ‘m scared. I’m scared, scared of rejection, not knowing sometimes is better than knowing.

You and I share a bond, we share roots; I am here because of you and I don’t want to walk away, but staying is so hard too. Do you know that I was there when my grandpa passed away? You were not aware of my agony or my presence, but I, very alert. I am stranger to you but regardless, I love you and sometimes I think “how can you love someone you don’t even know?” But I do, all of you.
My Titi Milly was the first one I met and WOW, I was blown away, it was like looking in the mirror, then my Titi Ruth, my sweet peace of heaven, my other Aunt Milta - a very beautiful woman - we have more catching up to do,. And I can’t forget the girls…RELATED, yes we are, crazy and exciting! WE are the Perez Girls and saving the best for last, my sister WENDY. I’m not one to show emotions and I wish you were here right now. You are everything I hoped for; beautiful, smart, and fun loving. You and I will never part, that I swear to you. I LOVE YOU. We were separated at birth, reunited as adults. Being around you just for a couple of hours meant the world to me, it was like time has not been stolen from me.
You are the ones that I crave for and forgive me if I have no compassion for him, he has taken everything away from me, robbed me from you all and I don’t ever think that I could forgive - the pain is greater than the mind and the heart has yet to learn that mistakes, yes, are made but not repeatedly. He knows what he did. God has planted you back in my life and there you will always remain….

Love has conquered after all.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008


The next day Carrie walked into her office and was surprised to see the roses on the table. She picked up the note and it said; “if the roses were as beautiful as you, I would have a rose garden all around my house. Have dinner with me tonight. I have some ideas for the party and I want to share them with you. She took the card, placed it on her lips and smiled, then picked up the phone.

It was a long and stressful day for Nick; it was meeting after meeting, all he wanted to do was sit down, relax and have a glass of scotch. He reached over for a glass when he then noticed the two messages. The first one was from Carrie - she thanked him for the flowers, but declined the dinner invitation. The next one blew him away. He was surprised but more than anything, hurt. He was not expecting to hear from this person ever again and his anger got the best of him.

Nick, not giving up, calls Carrie every day, “How are the plans going?” one day, “Do we have a meeting today?” another day. Carrie and Jessica both giggle and continue working. Late that evening Carrie was walking out of the office when Nick approaches her. He smiled and gave her a single rose and a note, then left, no words spoken. Another dinner proposal, this time she accepts.

It was seven-thirty when Carrie arrived. She walked into the waiting area when she noticed Nick walking towards her. His smiled lit up the room and he said” You look lovelier then I had imagined you to be. He took her hand and escorted her to their table. She looked up at him, her eyes danced with excitement and she smiled in returned. Her heart was beating fast,” I need to keep my cool. Do not let the emotions that are running within me take charge, relax, breathe. C’mon Carrie, you can do this.” She thought.

Dinner went well. They talked for hours, about her business her interest and even about her childhood. Nick smiled as he studied her; he, as well, talked about his life, his business, his accomplishments, and his downfall. They laughed; danced, everyone around them could see the attraction sparks flew everywhere.

Nothing could have gone wrong - two worlds have combined into one. Who would have thought that they met weeks ago?

It was close to ten o’clock when he dropped her off. He walked her to the door and before she could say a word, he grabbed her and kissed her. She was out of breath but the desire was mutual. As she closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment, it was a moment she will never forget. Her heart leaped with joy and from that moment on she knew things between them would never be the same again.

The next morning Carrie did not want to get out of bed. She wanted her dream to go on. She thought about Nick and the wonderful evening they had shared. She smiled to herself but the smile faded just as fast. She just broke one of her own rules -- never mix business with pleasure, although she was excited about last night; she was disappointed too.


Have you ever loved someone so deeply it hurts your very soul, not knowing where this love will lead you to, but knowing that you will die without their presence? Love has knocked on my door a time or two, but never entering all the way, and now that it has entered, I am out of air.

I can’t speak for others, only myself, and I’m in love with the feeling bestowed upon me. Have I not known the power love grants I would be numb, confounded by the eerie feeling of loneliness.

Words, spoken softly, caressing my ear, as I envision us hand in hand, walking on the road of no return. Am I a dreamer for wanting candlelight and moonlight, am I foolish for wishing upon that star above…maybe…but who are you to rain on my parade?

I’m in love and you are the recipient, the chosen one. Who am I to declare war with my heart?

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


I am tormented by the reality of the truth, also all the hearts that will be shattered. I carried this torch with me all of my life, so is it time for the fire to die? I have cried endlessly; scared of my own shadow, devastated by dark, it has become a forbidden place for me.

I saw you and believe in miracles; I was forgotten, but found and now wishing that you were never in my life. Hate, such a strong word but I can’t find any other word to describe how I feel. My heart broken, in two, innocence lost along the journey of new beginnings, making me who I am today.


All Rights Reserved ChatterBoxMom dot Com Copyright 2008
Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape