Tuesday, June 10, 2008

MY OTHER HALF


Growing up, all I ever wished for were sisters; I lived in a house full of men, and they drove me crazy…yes, I was Mom’s little girl but my heart ached for the company of a sister.
I would talk myself crazy, but never had an imaginary friend, I had my best friend but it wasn’t the same.
I knew that I had a family, apart from my mom’s, somewhere out there that I had never met, and my curiosity burned like crazy, and not knowing made me sad.
Every night I lay to sleep and how I wished upon that star up above. I’ll slowly speak to the heavens in the sky; to seek my other half’s tonight.

One day my prayers were answered, and one of my sisters I did meet, and I, only a child, felt at ease.
My experience was all but glamorous, sadness once again overtook my body for the hurt was horrendous, not because I would leave him behind, but the sister and the family that I had so longed for, and the others I have yet to meet.
I met my Aunts Edith and Olga, my Uncles Joe and Harry and their kids. I also met my cousin, Betsy who was on vacation and going back home. Do I remember them now? Not really - glimpse of things, but I was happy around them…only one stuck out like a sore thumb. Why, I have no clue, but he has been a part of my memory and heart since we first met - “Rene.”

Once again, I was back in my world and my brothers whom I love so dearly, and how I missed them.

Now, almost 24 yrs later and our paths have crossed once again; I feel so overwhelmed, feelings rushing through my body, so much at one time. I want to hide. That I do very well, push people away and put walls up are my specialties, but I have been waiting for this day for so long and now that is here, I ‘m scared. I’m scared, scared of rejection, not knowing sometimes is better than knowing.

You and I share a bond, we share roots; I am here because of you and I don’t want to walk away, but staying is so hard too. Do you know that I was there when my grandpa passed away? You were not aware of my agony or my presence, but I, very alert. I am stranger to you but regardless, I love you and sometimes I think “how can you love someone you don’t even know?” But I do, all of you.
My Titi Milly was the first one I met and WOW, I was blown away, it was like looking in the mirror, then my Titi Ruth, my sweet peace of heaven, my other Aunt Milta - a very beautiful woman - we have more catching up to do,. And I can’t forget the girls…RELATED, yes we are, crazy and exciting! WE are the Perez Girls and saving the best for last, my sister WENDY. I’m not one to show emotions and I wish you were here right now. You are everything I hoped for; beautiful, smart, and fun loving. You and I will never part, that I swear to you. I LOVE YOU. We were separated at birth, reunited as adults. Being around you just for a couple of hours meant the world to me, it was like time has not been stolen from me.
You are the ones that I crave for and forgive me if I have no compassion for him, he has taken everything away from me, robbed me from you all and I don’t ever think that I could forgive - the pain is greater than the mind and the heart has yet to learn that mistakes, yes, are made but not repeatedly. He knows what he did. God has planted you back in my life and there you will always remain….

Love has conquered after all.

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